look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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