I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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