When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
