you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize