on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize