I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
