on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize