from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize