I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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