When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
