i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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