Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
