Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
