Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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