No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
