did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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