Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
