hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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