In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
