dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
