This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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