so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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