Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
