During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
