My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
COCAINE IS GR8
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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