I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize