I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is Oprah even human
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
