I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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