And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
