Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
