There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
