there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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