I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
