i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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