i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
