I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
