i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
