Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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