Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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