dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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