$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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