Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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