the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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