Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize