Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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