So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
