i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
