I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
