I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
false alarm. still invincible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize