apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
