after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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