I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
