i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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