Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
