remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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