So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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