God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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