I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
