she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
