tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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