you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
