After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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