i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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