You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
