Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
