don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
