I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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